Dr. Jill Weber
Clinical psychologist Jill P. Weber, PhD, has helped hundreds of people find intimacy, fulfillment, and healthy, mutual love.
The author of Having Sex, Wanting Intimacy: Why Women Settle for One-Sided Relationships, Dr. Weber has written for the Huffington Post, Healthy Living Magazine, and USA Today. She also contributes to the Washington Post, Nightline, CNN, the Discovery Channel, and the Associated Press, and she writes a relationship and self-esteem blog for Psychology Today.
Dr. Weber’s private practice is based in Washington, DC.
"Is there a formula for relationships, because I keep making the same mistakes and a formula would seriously help?"
As a psychologist people who come to see me talk about feeling they are “emotionally flawed,” “incapable of finding healthy love,” or describe a history of dating “losers” or a series of chronically disappointing relationships. They say they have “repetitive relationship issues” and fear they will never crack the code for love and romance, telling me “I have never had a real relationship” or beating themselves up with, “What is wrong with me that I can’t get what seems so easy for everyone If you can’t get relationships right, constantly feel as if something is wrong with you when it comes to romance, and/or find you are continually drawn to the same kinds of disappointing or dysfunctional partners then the Relationship Formula Workbook Series offers a way to gain control. Before you pick your next romantic partner, give yourself an opportunity to be all you can be because that process will help you find all your deserve.
"What is the relationship formula?"
The Relationship Formula is a program designed to help people who struggle with relationships . Whether you are married, single, divorced, newly starting your dating life, gay or straight, this workbook series will increase your relationship preparedness so that you may better find healthy, meaningful partnership.
People who struggle with feeling good enough to get what they want out of life or those who have a history of unfulfilling relationships, typically benefit from learning new skills. The Relationship Formula consists of four workbooks that cover managing these 4 key areas of growth:
"I don’t really have control over improving my relationship issues or over finding the right match."
Many who struggle with relationships alternate between self-blame for not getting it right or inflate and romanticize what they think others have that they can’t get. The statistics on marital abuse, distress and infidelity paint a different picture. Many marriages are based on unhealthy relationship patterns of co-dependency, avoidance, living entirely separate lives, and in some cases patterns of emotional abuse. Half of marriages result in divorce and more than half of second marriages result in divorce. Couples who stay together for a lifetime aren’t necessarily happy or healthy. The reality is relationships take work, and even people who are married or appear to have it all may be very unhappy.
The Relationship Formula is designed not to tell you whom to date but rather focuses on the one part of romance that you can control— yourself. The impact relationships, in particular romantic ones, have on our lives cannot be overstated. They influence physical health, psychological wellbeing, professional success, lifespan, pleasure and the emotional success of our children or future children. When you decide working on yourself is a priority, you are taking a step that will powerfully influence the trajectory of most aspects of your life. This change has the potential to ripple out to every relationship— close friendships, parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, work colleagues, classmates as well as children born and unborn. By building yourself up, you acquire the capacity to build others up.
Relationships have the power to heal, to connect and to provide immeasurable warmth to buffer life’s harshest realities. On the flip side, destructive relationships are also powerful and can do crushing harm. You have the ability to choose which path you take. But if you decide to take this one, building yourself up form the inside out, work to believe with every fiber of your being that if you persevere life will get better.
"Do I HAVE to see a therapist to improve my relationship issues?"
The Relationship Formula Workbook Series is designed to be used on your own or together with a therapist. Oftentimes working with a therapist can be tremendously effective in understanding yourself and building more positive patterns of interacting. For others, going to therapy requires more expense or time than they have. Some simply prefer to do this work on their own. However you approach the work is okay, provided persistence rules.
This program is modular with four separate workbooks. Some may wish to go through all four. Others will prefer to tailor an approach to their specific history and issues. It is absolutely fine to complete one workbook or to go forth and complete all four. As you read through the steps, you may come up with your own strategies or find idiosyncratic ways to combine the various tools for your personality or personal struggle. Keep a notebook of your work so you can review what you have written down and have learned about yourself as you grow through this program. The more you review the material, the more the tools described will become automatic.
"How much work are we talking here?"
I wrote the workbooks with the goal of not overwhelming readers. Each workbook is brief, fewer than 70 pages long, and is structured around 5 specific, actionable steps. I have only included material and exercises that research supports as effective. You don’t have to read all four. You can start with the topic that you appeals to you the most and go from there.
What is far harder than working on and investing in you, is a lifetime of frustrating and disappointing attempts at securing love. Just like beginning a new physical exercise program, it’s difficult initially but with time the routine becomes easier and easier. You will notice progress, begin to feel better, have more positive interactions with others. These rewards will reinforce and day-by-day you will grow.